Establishing an AML Program

Ah, welcome to the thrilling world of establishing an AML program! Buckle up, because you're in for a wild ride of paperwork, policies, and procedures that'll make your head spin faster than a money launderer's washing machine. First things first, you'll need to appoint a compliance officer – preferably someone with a masochistic streak and an unhealthy obsession with regulatory minutiae. This poor soul will be responsible for overseeing your AML program and ensuring everyone in your organization is as miserable as they are.

Next up, you'll want to craft a set of internal policies and procedures so convoluted that even you won't understand them. After all, nothing says 'effective AML program' quite like a 500-page manual that no one will ever read. Don't forget to throw in some flowcharts and decision trees that look like they were designed by a five-year-old on a sugar high. The more confusing, the better – it'll keep those pesky regulators scratching their heads for hours.